When Love crosses borders:10 Thoughts on becoming Mrs Johnson

Last year this time I was already 2 weeks into my stay in the United states of America. I was learning to adjust to a lot of things regarding being in this country(which you can read about in my previous blogs)..one of them was suppressing the urge to roll my eyes at anyone who suggested i should pursue a romantic relationship since I was obviously very single, i let most people know i was not here for relationship escapades and I was on some "I'm a strong successful woman who don't need no man" tip😆 , then BOOM!.......fast forward to a year later, I dated and married the love of my life, a real life prince, who happens to be an American and my life is the most exciting its ever been in 27 years haha! 
I have learnt so much about true Christian character, Love and human relationships in the past few months from being with him. I am not a relationship guru(nor do I aspire to be one),I still have a lot to learn in this department but here are 10 of some lessons I've picked up since i got married....like 2 minutes ago.... Can i release my new bestseller book on the art to a happy courtship and marriage now?😂

10. Fighting 

NB!!!!!Beware of the mistaken advice that all couples fight.  In the past years i have had heated, tears-inducing, emotionally draining arguments with either friends or people i was romantically involved with and it always signified relational breakdown because most times both parties were arguing to win and have a final say. In my mind arguing egotistically seemed like the best way to get my point across. My husband and I are not a perfect couple, we do have few things we disagree on but instead of fighting about our differences, we try our best to talk to each other cooperatively. It was the same as when we were dating, we made sure to explain gently  our point of view to the other person whenever we encountered anything that could potentially lead to conflict. It's also easy to resolve conflict because we both don't believe in bickering. This doesn't mean there exists no room to express ourselves to the other person but its nicer to talk with your loved one instead of talking AT your loved one. Love does not insists on its own way. 

9. True love should NEVER be toxic

I feel like i could write a 900-paged-pregnant book about this......Maybe this will be the title of my bestseller?😋At some point in life, by first or second hand experience, you will come across a toxic human being AKA narcissist. If you've never been with a toxic person, chances are...you are the toxic person everyone is trying to avoid, just kidding😂 but one of the ways in which narcissists emotionally manipulative their partners is by asserting their dominance in a relationship by diminishing the other person's sense of self-worth through constant carping (and i don't mean this to say that in relationships/friendships there should never be accountability). e.g If your partner is involved in a pattern of self-destructive, sinful behaviour you can rebuke them in love but i often feel that there is a fine line between healthy criticism/judgement and being toxic. If all someone ever does is attempt to "fix" or coach you about your hair, personality, weight, habits, hobbies,etc. you kinda start to wonder if you are with a Dr Phil 2.0. Nothing takes a hit at your self-esteem like a person who doesn't embrace you for who you are. Most times it's not even about encouraging you to become more like the Lord Jesus Christ, its usually about who the person wants you to morph into, so that you are more likable to them. Love is kind.

8. Monsters-in-Law?

Few years ago i watched this film called Monster-in-Law featuring J-Lo as a soon to be bride whose mother-in-Law doesn't want her in her family, is attached to her fiance and would do anything to see him call off the wedding. This is a dramatized but true reflection of what some women experience in real  life. Maybe there are religious or political reasons that might cause your relationship with your in-Laws to be less harmonious, you never know...but there are times where someone doesn't like you and you have no idea why(perhaps neither do they...some people are forever on a hater mode nje!😆)

The time i personally came across a potential 'monster-in-Law' I convinced myself that "I love them, not their mother", the Will to persevere through that quickly vanished when no matter how much i tried to be my efforts were met with hostility and it didn't help either that i constantly watched how self-sacrificially my mother loves my brothers' significant others. My husband's mother is similar.  I feel that the Lord has blessed me beyond by giving me amazing, kind and pleasant parents-in-Love who treat me as their own. I ❤️ them so much. 

Love always protects

7. True Love waits

Even though I have been a subject of ridicule countless times in my teens and 20's because how i choose not to express myself sexually, i am so humbled that in his mercy the Lord helped both me and my husband to persevere and 'not awaken love before it is ready' first separately as individuals then as a couple despite the many societal pressures. The things that God instructed to be preserved for a marital union must be kept there(this is not only regarding sex), there is greater joy and freedom in obeying God because he made us, he made our bodies and he knows what is best for us. "Lust takes, Love gives"(my dear friend Eden once said). More on this later..in anotherblog or shamshing like dat 
Love does not dishonour others

6. Show me you love me, don't just tell me.

The first time we said that we loved each other was the day we got engaged, so about a month ago,less than half a year of dating...haha! It was the perfect time and i believed it when he said it because in no way had he cheapened the meaning of those three words. I also meant it when i said it. Not that we both didn't know that we loved each other, we were quite aware because of the way we treated one other that by the time we said it, it held a lot of meaning because it was already demonstrated in action. 

5. Where is home?

Before and during our dating relationship. We both had to survey the lifelong implications of an international union. 
South Africa and The United states of America are very far apart, it costs a lot of money,time and mountains of paperwork to attain residency in the US(in any first world country for that matter). For me as the alien here also means living far away from my biological family and relatives, i miss people in Venda, P.E and the other parts of Mzansi. I appreciate the fact that my husband and in-laws leave me enough room to talk freely about my family and country but this, here feels more like Home than any place I've ever lived in. Maybe the cliche saying is true "Home is not a place, it is a person",wherever my bae is, that's home to me.

4. Communication is key, never assume

One of the things i'm picking up as time goes by is learning to communicate well and ask questions whenever i don't understand or i want to convey something instead of leaving the other person to figure out what i'm feeling, jumping into conclusions or overthinking things. My spouse is not a mind-reader which means he cannot know my thoughts unless i offer them to him.

3. Ad break

Do you think i should start a YouTube channel to post vlogs? I have a very close friend who has been bugging me for months to start one but i don't feel motivated and whenever i try to film myself talking to a camera i start feeling weird hahaha. Its easy to watch other people talking to their cameras i guess. What do you think?What would i even say or do? should i vlog food recipes?. Please leave a comment below or on Facebook😑


2. Match made on the gram

We first met on Instagram. I didn't use to think so but It's possible even in the era of catfish,APPARENTLY😃

  

 

1. The most important factor is the "G" factor..G=Godliness

Even thought we seem like we have a lot of differences(ethnicity, cultures, nationalities, etc),our core believes about the world stem from the same place(Die Bybel). It is important to share similar values whether we are externally different or not. We live in light of eternity, with the understanding that all our needs are not meant to be met via marriage but that Jesus satisfies the deepest longings of our hearts. All the small joys we experience are nothing compared to the unending ecstasies we will know when we live with our king in heaven,for eternity!
in the mean time we strive to love another as Christ has loved(and still loves) us.